'Bakwas' person.

I am a 'bakwas' person. My friend tells me. And he is right. I look beyond reality to seek something beyond it. I look at world as though i am dreaming. I can't live with a lot of people around. I cannot. I cannot attend weddings. I hate weddings. And birthdays. And social gatherings. I do not wish people on birthdays. Very rare of me wishing them. I cannot love people. They die anyways. I am not a romantic person. I am insensitive. I instantly stop chatting with people if they dont show as much interest as i do. I can't  tell people that they are beautiful because i fear they might think i am just telling it just for the sake, while i am not. I don't know how to respond to a thank you. I cant handle when people compliment me, i dont know what to do or say. I have a lot of questions about how gods function or how they don't. A lot of people dislike me. Sometimes I stop and talk to random people. One time I asked a stranger lady sitting at the clock tower if she was going through anything and would want to tell me. I told her I wouldn't judge her. Tell me all and i will listen, i said. She looked frightened at first but she ended up crying. We did not exchange numbers because that's not me. I took her to a coffee shop and she stopped crying. One time I saw a man walking with a bag over his shoulder and i offered to drop him to wherever he was going. He looked confused at first. I gave him my phone and asked him to call someone and give that person the registration number of my car. He was more scared. I told him i am only trying to help him. And so i dropped him safely at his place. Trust is earned they say.

But sometimes i want to speed up my car and crash it on the concrete wall and see what happens. I think the bonnet and the windshield will break. The engine will give out white fumes like in movies. Or maybe i will get hurt too, but how will i know with certainty what will happen if i dont do it. It was last year at this time. I wanted to do it but i didnt. Now i dont want to do it. The cost of repair would be lot and i dont have money.

But hey, do tell me if you have an old car and you want to to crash it. I mean just in case, i would love to do it for you. Of course for free.